Monday, October 21, 2002
Came into work feeling pretty ok. Now I am in a FURIOUS mood. How does that happen? Not that I am necessarily angry at anything or anyone in particular. I guess mostly I am just frustrated with myself. I fucking HATE my life. It never goes away. Every Monday morning reminds me that I am miserable in this city. I don't know. No need to dwell on it in here.
My throat has closed up shop. I could tell that I was getting the sore throat thing again on Friday night and sure enough, Saturday morning I woke up with the WORST throat ache this side of the Mississippi. I have been sucking on Halls, spraying chloroseptic, and basically just taking it really easy. NO AVAIL! It still hurts tremendously and it is definitly contributing to my bad attitude.
This weekend was basically suck filled. Second weekend in a row of suck.
Friday night was great. Hung with Mariah and she ended up staying over at my place. That was amazing. She is so much fun and we have a blast together no matter what we do.
Saturday and Sunday was filled with nothing. Just me feeling like trash.
Our phone is dead for some reason and since no one really cares about it, it will probably stay dead for a week. We think the cord might be the problem. I don't think it's our service.
Oh well.
Let it rot.
I have been doing so much research today as to what auditions are open to me in this city.
I have to admit, I am fucking frustrated out of my mind. I can't find anything that is an open call. Most of them you have to send your headshot/resume and hope to hear back from the group. I don't want to keep doing this. I WANT TO BE IN A FUCKING SHOW ALREADY!
Damnit.
Why is this SO hard?
I mean seriously!
I just want to audition. Just go to an audition, say a few lines, be told "That was fine" and go home. But where the FUCK do I find these auditions?
Tomorrow I will get the Villiage Voice. I will keep checking out my acting websites. Whatever.
Whatever I can do just to get my ass in to a role of some kind.
God I miss college.
I just want to act. It's a pretty simple thing.
FUCK!
Whatever.
Can't talk about this anymore.
Paul will be coming into town on Wed. I am pretty excited to see him. Actually I am THRILLED to see him. It has been so long. I am thinking that we will spend a good portion of his visit with him and I hanging by ourselves. I want all of the time he is here spent laying next to me in my bed. Maybe going out to a nice dinner. Or catching a movie. Or something. I need some Paul time. Seriously.
If I don't break this unlucky streak soon, I am probably going to take a knife to my chest.
Just feel so horribly down.
GOD!
The word HATE does very little to describe how fucking fed up I am with my station in life.
My throat has closed up shop. I could tell that I was getting the sore throat thing again on Friday night and sure enough, Saturday morning I woke up with the WORST throat ache this side of the Mississippi. I have been sucking on Halls, spraying chloroseptic, and basically just taking it really easy. NO AVAIL! It still hurts tremendously and it is definitly contributing to my bad attitude.
This weekend was basically suck filled. Second weekend in a row of suck.
Friday night was great. Hung with Mariah and she ended up staying over at my place. That was amazing. She is so much fun and we have a blast together no matter what we do.
Saturday and Sunday was filled with nothing. Just me feeling like trash.
Our phone is dead for some reason and since no one really cares about it, it will probably stay dead for a week. We think the cord might be the problem. I don't think it's our service.
Oh well.
Let it rot.
I have been doing so much research today as to what auditions are open to me in this city.
I have to admit, I am fucking frustrated out of my mind. I can't find anything that is an open call. Most of them you have to send your headshot/resume and hope to hear back from the group. I don't want to keep doing this. I WANT TO BE IN A FUCKING SHOW ALREADY!
Damnit.
Why is this SO hard?
I mean seriously!
I just want to audition. Just go to an audition, say a few lines, be told "That was fine" and go home. But where the FUCK do I find these auditions?
Tomorrow I will get the Villiage Voice. I will keep checking out my acting websites. Whatever.
Whatever I can do just to get my ass in to a role of some kind.
God I miss college.
I just want to act. It's a pretty simple thing.
FUCK!
Whatever.
Can't talk about this anymore.
Paul will be coming into town on Wed. I am pretty excited to see him. Actually I am THRILLED to see him. It has been so long. I am thinking that we will spend a good portion of his visit with him and I hanging by ourselves. I want all of the time he is here spent laying next to me in my bed. Maybe going out to a nice dinner. Or catching a movie. Or something. I need some Paul time. Seriously.
If I don't break this unlucky streak soon, I am probably going to take a knife to my chest.
Just feel so horribly down.
GOD!
The word HATE does very little to describe how fucking fed up I am with my station in life.
